I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize