brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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