You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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