my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
