I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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