she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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