glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
