He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
try to milk me bitch
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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