y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize