I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize