the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
