OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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