Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
