420 ftw
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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