ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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