If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
