singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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