He had one of those small greek statue penises
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
