So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
