im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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