I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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