yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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