my mouth tastes like poor choices
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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