Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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