he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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