can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
