I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
