fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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