He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
