My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
