This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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