Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
