I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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