it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
