They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
this hospital has no fireball
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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