I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
