Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
