I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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