Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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