I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
