i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
