You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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