dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
