I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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