Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
