Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
