If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize