Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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