I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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