you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i believe in u and ur pee
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