Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
