Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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