Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
