I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize