You're so nebulous sometimes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
