i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
