My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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