so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
