I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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