I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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