so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize