just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
