So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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