At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
