WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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