Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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