I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
