hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
