I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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