when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
