Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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