There was a lot of him and a little penis
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
