dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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